The Deal

It has been a while since I have posted. I am happy to say that I am finally seeing some progress. I have lost 12 lbs and am still working out pretty regular. It’s nice to be at the last notch of the belt and below the 200lb mark.

I think the biggest factor so far has been changing of the diet.  We watched a movie called “Forks over Knives” that was horrifying. Basically the premise of the movie was that the average American diet of a lot of meat and dairy, and sugars and fats is what is killing us and making us have high blood pressure, heart disease and strokes.  So we decided to try to adopt a plant based diet. It is actually really cool. The kids like it, Ruthie and I like it and we all feel better.

Of course there are some hits and misses. One hit was a mixed grain rice dish that Ruthie makes with peppers and onions and mushrooms.  One HUGE miss was a smoothie with greens in it.  We had heard of putting spinach and other veggies in a breakfast smoothie so one morning Ruthie tried it. All of the basics went into it, berries, peaches, orange juice, almond milk, bananas, protein powder… and then the spinach, and then……… arugula!  It was horrible.  I can’t express in words how terrible it was. If I were to name this abomination of a drink it would be Frankenstein Juice.  Just like the way the fictional monster was put together, some ingredients were appropriate and others were a huge mistake and should have never been combined with the others. 

I have been discussing the challenge with my competitor who has lost a ton of weight and is getting into pretty good shape.  A month or so ago after I hurt my knee he offered me an extension of a couple of months. I thought about it and decided to do the deal.

 The extension will come at a high price to my dignity which seems to be eroding quickly.  In return for a 3 month extension, James will be picking out something for me to wear to the Warrior Dash in September.  He has already mentioned spandex tights and a mullet wig (I will have to add my Bubba teeth), which makes me imagine myself running the race looking like Jack Black in Nacho Libre.

Seriously, spandex and a wig?  I wonder about his mental stability.  At any rate I made him promise not to choose any women’s clothes. I went online to the Warrior Dash website and came to the conclusion that no matter what he picks, I won’t be the craziest looking clown at the race. Deal.

The Icy Scorpion

So about three weeks ago I decided to take a mental health day and go snowboarding at Donner Ski Ranch.  Even though I hadn't been snowboarding in about 6 years I was excited to get back out there and carve it up.

I got to the ski resort and got my board and ticket and headed up to the top. I figured how hard could it be, it’s just like riding a bike, right? I should have known how the day was going to go as I disembarked the chairlift and immediately crashed it so hard that the lift attendant ran out of the shack and asked with concern, “You Ok dude?, I can call the medics if you need.”  It must have been a sight to see.

I straightened out my head, arms, and legs in a futile attempt to regain some dignity and replied “Thanks, I’m cool, I like to get my wipeouts over with early”. I could tell then that I was going to have a hard day.

The rest of the morning went pretty well, I looked down and could see someone starting to rip up the slope, carving a pretty S patterns across the mountain. “Ok, if that little girl with the Dora board can do it I can too”, I thought to myself. So down I went.

Everything was going pretty good until I built too much speed and caught my front edge. Immediately I launched forward in an impressive display of speed meets gravity. It was truly physics in action.  My face dug in, my arms flailed in a wasted attempt to regain balance; my legs curled back over my back in a circ de soleil contortionist move and I ended up with the board hitting me in the back of the head.  Thus the icy scorpion……

I laid there for a while, assessing the damage. I felt my face turn numb and I began to worry  that I had broken my neck, then I realized that I was simply an idiot for keeping my face in the snow for too long.   I hauled myself out of the burrow I had inadvertently made and looked around to see if there were any pieces of myself left in the snow. Everything seemed to work although I was extremely sore. I then continued down the hill looking around to see if anyone had seen me….Fortunately not.

As the morning went on I got more and more pain in my knee. By the time I met Ruthie and the kids at the hotel in Reno that night I was hobbling like an old man.  Now that it is three weeks later I am back in the saddle trying to keep up with James in the challenge.  The knee still is sore but it works.  Moral of the story, if you are 35 or older, don’t pretend that you are 18. Your mind might tell you that you are young and in good shape, but your body will prove your mind a liar.

Here is an update on my progress. I have lost 10lbs, am feeling pretty good and am back to exercising every day.  We are eating pretty well, and starting to cut meat out. Veggie burgers are actually really good.

In the next post I will describe the deal that James has offered me. I can “buy” more time on the challenge if I need it, it will just come at a high cost to my dignity. 

For the love of meat

My dear wife is talking about going partially vegetarian as a family and eating meat only on weekends. Thankfully she isn't talking about becoming one of those vegetarian families that sneer at meat eaters like they are second or third rate citizens. She is just suggesting that we become even more slightly odd than we really already are, which is cool by me.  Honestly it sounds like a pretty good idea considering how much crap is pumped into the meats available at the local market. I recently watched this video on "pink slime" in ground beef and it inspired me to never consider where my meat comes from again. Ignorance is bliss when it comes to  this stuff.

But seriously vegetarian?..... I get this picture of me and the boys clothed only in our underwear grazing wildly in the back yard, chasing any type of protein that moves, the birds, one of the neighbors 18 cats, 2 rabbits and dog, or even some slugs in our flower beds (Snails are a delicacy in some countries).  I can imagine boosting Jude on my shoulders to get to the bird feeder in a desperate attempt to snack on the suet...... that's the type of vegetarian I will likely be. You could call me a "VINO" Vegetaritarian In Name Only. (Yes, vino is a coincidental acronym. I happen to be a guy who likes wine if it has been humanely processed)

They say there are benefits to eating vegetarian such as lower cholesterol, a reduced appetite (probably because everything is gross) and overall greater health. This will certainly help me in my challenge to lose weight and feel better by beating my buddy in the challenge.

I think we will give it a trial. It will take some research to come up with recipes that are actually appetizing but it will probably be worth it. I read a book recently called "Food Rules" written by Michael Pollan who is some skinny guy from Berkeley. A lot of it made sense. He argues that we should eat mostly plants and non processed food because that is what we were made to eat.  One of his points on whether or not your food will pass the test is to imagine taking your Grandmother to the store for grocery shopping. This will help you to realize what is processed and packaged, since she probably is 90 years old and would not recognize any of the innovative food-like products that we eat today.  I pictured my Grandmother taking a Cotton Candy Flavored Gogurt tube in her hands and wondering what type of shampoo sample it really is. Would it make her hair milky soft with the sweet smell of cotton candy bringing her back to the carnival in the 1930's?

Give us some time and we will collect enough recipes to make our vegetarian trial a success. In the meantime I am going to eat as many non pink slime bacon burgers as I can stand. If you know of a good vegetarian recipe please share through the comments section of the blog.  Any other recipes that include dog, rabbit, bird or slugs are appreciated as well, because we will probably get there soon.

Mailboxes in the mist

So today I participated in my first 5k (death march) with my lovely family. It was a misty day in the beautiful town of Windsor and the cool morning air had no hint of the pain in store. First a shout out goes to the girls of the jproject for putting the race on. It took a lot of work and motivation to coordinate it all which they did beautifully. 

We (my wife and I and the two boys) started off in the rear of the pack, a position we would never relinquish. The boys were carted around in a backwards rickshaw, that had flat tires from the altitude change from the mountains to the valley. No matter, we were off with encouragement from our oldest who yelled "faster dad faster" with no clue that I was in fact not usain bolt.

We continued on at a lightning fast pace, passing parked cars right and left. Mile one went down, and my legs began to burn from the brisk walk. Mile two and I began to think of a bathroom. How long is this race? My lovely wife who is in much better shape took over on pushing the rickshaw. We turn corner two, and thank goodness there is a Mexican grocery store. I shouted to my wife and kids "go on without me, I will catch up." I promptly dashed Into the store (the fastest I actually went all day) and pleaded with the shopkeeper to let me use his restroom. He nodded towards the back, and off I rushed. As I sat down I thought, to myself "running is overrated, no one is chasing me, I am a schmuck". 

Now feeling better, I returned to the course and set off on a brisk trot trying to catch up with my family. I put my earphones in and began to pound the pavement in a desperate effort to not let my wife pushing two kids actually beat me at this race. "He's going the distance, he's going for speed, she's all alone, all alone in her time of need" the lead singer of cake cheered me on.  I began to nod my head to the beat. Onlookers probably thought I was mental. 

I ran on, each time thinking to myself, " there they are", as I see a shape about 54" high in the distance. I pick up the pace again to catch up only to be disappointed as I realized the 54" shape was a mailbox. This happened at least three times until I realized my wife was trying to ditch me.  

Walk, run, walk, walk, jog, walk, run 20 steps. That was what the rest of the race was. I even began to think "I must have taken a wrong turn"  There was a man on a motorcycle who slowed down next to me, I considered asking him for a ride to the town square, but thought that my dignity would rather put me last in a 5k than to ride up on the back of a strange dudes motorcycle. 

Finally I see someone familiar, Juli and Kit, pointing the way to the finish with a camera in their hands. I figure I had better run the rest of the way so I wind up and rumble to the finish. My wife had beat me by two minutes. 

So that's the story. I really need to get my butt in gear. It's funny how out of shape I still am. I was wondering if there was an animal I could out run. If a bear or a tiger or a dog chased me I would be food. I am pretty sure I can out run a penguin. Take that chilly willy!

Men's Fatness Editor MIA

So you might have noticed that I have been pretty quiet lately. A couple of weeks ago I ended up getting sick with a sinus infection and have been loafing around trying to get to feeling better.  I went to the doctor and got some antibiotics and am now feeling mostly better.

Problem is I pushed pause on the exercise and diet and now have to start back at square one. In my mind the effort is kinda like pushing a car that ran out of gas. It is easy to maintain the momentum once the car is rolling. It is hard to get it moving though. That's where I am at. Trying to get this car rolling, except it feels like I am a mouse pushing a semi trailer.

Its funny how easy it is to rationalize laziness. I was sitting on the couch thinking...."man I need to run on the treadmill. That will take initiative (I don't have), energy (nonexistent), and putting my shoes on (too hard). So there on the couch I sat thinking to myself, "James is going to beat me in the challenge."

So with that note, this video below pretty much describes the last two weeks.

Ask Men's Fatness- "Is it normal to be so sore that it hurts to sit?"

So yesterday morning I destroyed myself with a workout.  I couldn't sleep so I woke up early and decided to do some weight training.  I sure can feel it today in my legs.  Went and sat on the potty at work and was glad to have the disabled grab bars on the walls to get up with.  Tying my shoes is another problem. My legs are so sore I had a hard time bending down to lace up my shoes. I can see why old dudes wear slip-on loafers. Hmm....if this keeps up I might have to do some shoe shopping. I am thinking that this might be a good look for me. (This is the way I feel)

So my program is basically get into good enough shape to start P90x without killing myself.  I have started two times in the past and fizzled out after a couple of weeks.  I am doing weights and running on the treadmill.  If you ever have the chance, check out the Bowflex adjustable dumbbells. They are so slick and don't take a ton of room.  At work I make it a point to stand up and pace around like a caged porcupine when on the phone  to burn some calories and stay loose. This seems to work well to keep from stiffening up, but me walking around in circles tends to make my coworkers nervous.

Doing good though. Am eating pretty clean. Haven’t weighed myself yet but have already gone one notch tighter on my belt. It's pretty funny, I was looking in my closet to get dressed for a meeting and realized that I have a pair of suit pants that are so tight that every time I wear them I get a headache.  Here is your first Men's Fatness fashion tip. Choose pants that won't make your head hurt.

Seriously, is this supposed to hurt this bad? I thought getting in shape would put a spring in my step, not make me feel like I am an 80 year old arthritic. Let's see how the next week goes.   

The First Day

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."  

Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)

It is January 1st 2012 the first day of the challenge.  I really really did not want to exercise today ( wanted to take a nap instead) but figured instead of taking a nap I would at least do a little on the treadmill, or as I like to call it Satan's sidewalk.  After removing the clothes draped over this high class expensive coat rack I pushed the start button on my effort. 

I bought an exercise app for my iphone called C25K which is going to help me get into shape for my 1st 5K in February. You alternate between jogging and walking for 35 minutes. There is a woman with a pleasant English accent who prompts you "run" or "walk". It must be pretty effective because at the end of 35 minutes I was sweating like a sweater wearing gorilla in Phoenix in the summertime. 

In terms of diet, I am going the high protein route. I made a big quinoa salad, a chicken salad, and a vegetable tray. Should be no excuses to eat better with lunch already made for the week. Oh yeah, high fiber foods make you poop like a dysentery patient. Maybe I should dial the fiber back. 

One last thought. Always be careful on a treadmill. It can hurt you.